I’ve spent the day sorting my computer files. How exciting is that? It’s been a fairly dry day and we were promised rain by late afternoon. As I write this first sentence it’s 1730 (5.30 pm – I say that because I know that there are very considerable differences between countries as to how we talk about time) the sun has just come out but if I look out of the house to the West and North the clouds don’t give me confidence that the sun will last. Below the house near the shore a couple are just walking. They are tourists. How can I tell? He has an umbrella in his hand. No local would carry an umbrella. Rain rarely comes without enough wind to render one useless.
I feel particularly sad this evening because I had a call from a former lecturer from Uni who became a friend and with whom I am still in touch. He is having chemo for cancer. A neighbour in Blogland has been told that she has an an intra-cranial mass. Someone closer has been given similarly bad news. A friend in New Zealand has just had an operation and finished radio-therapy. I could go on. I would usually be inclined to repeat the Gaelic saying that old age doesn’t come alone but even my former Uni lecturer isn’t much older than I am. I could never understand survivors of a disaster who said they felt guilty for surviving. This week I’ve had a similar feeling knowing that the cancer I carried for 12 years seems to have been seen off.
On a more mundane level some hens from about 100 yards away raided the garden this morning. Cute they may look but the devastation that hens can wreak on a garden is not funny. When I went outside I was not impressed by the fact that the cockerel ran away followed by the hen leaving the chicks to fend for themselves – they ran off in the opposite direction!
A neighbour’s cat decided to try and get a pigeon. He wasn’t successful.
The new mis-fueling device is a lovely shade of pink. Even without having to apply the correct nozzle before the cap can be removed one is unlikely to forget given its colour!
A particularly bright Greenfinch visited the feeders this afternoon.
And there were plenty of people down in the Bay including a wind-surfer. I can’t recall seeing that particular sport in the Bay before.
And now to decide what to have for dinner.
Right enough, you wouldn't have felt guilty if you'd died, and you wouldn't have to decide what to have for dinner. Dead or occasional moments of guilt in an otherwise OK life? Tough choice that one.
ReplyDeleteYes, Marcel, you have a very valid point.....as always. I can't pretend that my life is not just OK but exceptionally good. It's certainly a lot better than the alternative (leastways that's my belief).
ReplyDeleteIt is really tough dealing with bad news about friends. And a lot of bad news in a short time is even tougher. We do not want our friends to suffer, and neither do we want to lose them; because they are so much part of what it is that makes us feel that life is good in the first place. I can understand if this weighs you down from time to time. Rational thought vs emotion do not always follow quite the same path. The feelings of "guilt" I think are perhaps better called just feeling helpless. But please remember that the fact that you've beaten or escaped your own cancer is a good thing for your friends and family as well as for you. It means you are still around for them (us!) ♥ Monica
ReplyDeleteThank you Monica. That's a lovely thing for you to say and me to read.
ReplyDeleteI meant to say what Monica said too.
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