I dream a great deal and have blogged about dreaming in general before.
I slept very deeply and for a long time last night. Just before I woke I had an extremely strange dream. I usually forget the contents of even my weirdest dreams just after I have wakened. Today it lingered - all day.
I was in a very large house with my New Zealand family. My two sons were there as well. When Andy (the elder son) appeared he was immensely tall (which he wasn't in real life being just under 6'). However all the members of my father's family including his sister were over 6'6". The exception was my father who was 'tiny' at 5'10½". The height of my father's family had been a subject of discussion yesterday so I suppose there may have been a link in my mind there.
I've been thinking about Andy most of the day today for an entirely different reason. Had he lived, he would have been 48 today. In the past I have never speculated on what he might have achieved. He was just completing a doctorate (in computer science) when he died and already had a very well paid job and a flat and life in London. Today my mind wandered into the realms of 'what if'. Not in a melancholy way just a wistful one.
This evening sitting in the living room listening to a concert and sort of watching it on the big screen and drawing an 'envelope picture' it suddenly struck me: the significance of dreaming about Andy this morning of all mornings.
The mind is a very strange place. Well mine is anyway.
Obviously our dreams have something to tell us if we really take the time to listen (if we can remember them!). Maybe Andy's height is significant in some way?
ReplyDeleteMiss Kim, I've been wondering what significance Andy's height could possibly have had but it was very important for the few seconds before I woke.
DeleteHappiest Birthday to Andy
ReplyDeleteMaywyn, unfortunately Andy was atheist so I suspect he isn't having one.
DeleteI am so sorry for his passing. My own brothers died unexpectedly in their 40s.
ReplyDeleteMy dreams are always related to teaching. When I was teaching 20 years ago, taking classes on field trips was expected. My dreams are about that and teaching. Sometimes I am teaching in a bombed out school.
Thank you Susan. I can see why you might well dream about experiences in times past but as for bombed out schools......
DeleteThe best thing about having children is watching them unfold, we undertake life's road with them in a different way to anyone else, I can't imagine what it's like to have that stolen from us.
ReplyDeleteI rarely remember dreams but when i do they are very strange!
Kylie, I was fortunate to watch Andy grow up and establish a life. Many people don't even have that privilege.
DeleteYou probably remember your son very day just some days more than others.
ReplyDeleteAs usual, Red, you are insightful and correct. It's just that it becomes part of the day. I have two pictures from his flat in front of me as I type and I have a painting of both the children as pre-teens sitting on a gate on the wall so they are always here with me.
DeleteI think that perhaps, subconsciously, he's always there in your thoughts. I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child. I'm sorry.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Debby. I'm sure you are correct. I think that loss for me has been more numbness than pain.
DeleteI haven't visited for ages, been busy. Most peoples' minds are indeed strange places, I know my own puzzles me sometimes. But a dream like the one you had on Andy's birthday has to have a special significance, I hope the larger than life memory of him comforted you during the day.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you've been busy, Pauline, because I know that you like things to do. I think that the dream did bring me comfort now that you mention it.
DeleteMy 'genius' cousin (who was almost a brother) was murdered in Canada about 40 years ago. His career just skyrocketed, he had become an advisor to the Canadian government on medical affairs at aged 33. I could go on. I think of him every day, and look at his photo. Such a dreadful loss.
ReplyDeleteCro, to lose someone to murder must be dreadful because that is unnatural. Death by illness is natural even if very premature.
DeleteI dream a lot...some remain with me after waking; some not. Some are so vividly real it is almost as if they are. Early one morning, a few weeks ago, I had a very, very vivid dream about Randall, my late ex....that dream, his vivid appearance in it, and the words we spoke. have remained with me, clearly, ever since.
ReplyDeleteOur loved ones never leave us...I think they pay us a visit every now and then just to ensure we're doing okay.
Take good care, Graham. :
Thanks, Lee. I very much like the thought in your second paragraph.
DeleteSometimes it is less the actual content of the dream I remember, more the atmosphere and the mood it leaves me with. At other times, every little detail is very clear and remains present for a long time. Fortunately, I mostly dream nice or funny dreams, or really weird stuff (that makes perfect sense while I am in the dream). Most times I know quite well what it means.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I have never had a child - let alone lost one - I can relate to the "what if" thinking. Steve died 11 years ago, and would have been 50 in 2018, same year as I. At that time I often thought about what he would have been like at 50. Knowing him and his self-deprecating sense of humour, he would have called himself an old fart.
Meike, I think you're fortunate in mostly being able to make sense of dreams. I rarely can. I laughed when I read your 'old fart' comment. When I was in my 30s one of my dear friends, a colleague, called me a 'boring old fart' and it has remained with me ever since.
DeleteI am so sorry aout Andy. Having only "got to know you" a little in the last year or so I am not familiar with all your backstory, but no parent should have to say good-bye to a child.
ReplyDeleteI think of dreams as the brain sorting out stuff that needs to be thought about, which we have not dealt with during the day for one reason or another.
Thank you, Jayne. Andy died of cancer on my birthday in 2006. If my dreams are the brain sorting things out then heaven alone knows what is going on in my brain.
DeleteI have never had the good fortune to be a mother so can only try to imagine how it would feel to lose a child. Although one may come to terms with the loss over time, I imagine it is always a huge void in one's life.
ReplyDeleteDreams. I have frequently experienced very vivid and sometimes disturbing dreams, usually leaving me feeling quite upset when I wake up. It often takes me some time to feel "normal" again afterwards.
JayCee, thank you for your kind comment. As for dreams, I sympathise with you because I know the feeling and it can be really horrible.
DeleteLike a Beach Boy, I am sending good vibrations to you on Andy's 48th birthday as that strange dream recedes into the ocean like the tide down by the harbour wall you can see from your home. To Andy...cheers!
ReplyDeleteThank you very much, YP, for those uplifting thoughts.
DeleteI agree with Jayne that dreams come from the brain "sorting stuff" while we are asleep. Reading your whole post, I don't find it strange at all that you should dream about Andy in connection with his birthday; and if you had recently been thinking about the height of your father's family, and also about your son and 'what ifs', I think the dream-part of your brain may well have brought the two lines of thought together. We're often a lot more imaginative in our dreams than we give ourselves credit for when awake.
ReplyDeleteMonica, I know that we've had discussions about this before and I can see the rationale behind what you say. I just wish that I didn't have the nightmares that I seem to have more and more frequently. My thoughts are usually very happy thoughts so I'm not sure why my dreams are not too.
DeleteGraham, I sometimes think of dreams as resembling "modern art" (of the abstract or half-abstract kind). Sometimes it may be worth it to stop and take a closer look and try to make sense of it (even if perhaps you wouldn't like to have it on your "daytime wall" all the time). At other times, perhaps just moving on to happy thoughts is a better idea.
DeleteIt so annoys me when I spend a while considering a comment and then it disappears before I can save it. So, Monica, I will start again. I understand and agree with the points you make but it leaves me with a problem when I wake up with snippets of a dream but within minutes it has gone even if I manage to make an aide memoire as in this case. It is very rare that anything other than a snippet remains. I suppose overall I'm very fortunate in that they may be unpleasant but they don't actually affect my life.
DeleteI've just looked back at your earlier posts about Andrew and clearly you miss him very much. My brother died of cancer too, in his thirties, and I often wonder how things would have been if he had lived.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear that, Tasker. Thank you for reading the past posts. Yes, I probably miss Andrew more that I realise. I always called him Andrew but he much preferred Andy and asked us to call him that. Oddly I still find it difficult and it was nice to hear you use his full name..
DeleteI believe our subconscious minds process things that we can't necessarily make sense of in a conscious state.
ReplyDeleteI too like the sentiment in Lee's second paragraph. I remember reading Andy's story via your blog and was struck by the sadness .
Carol, that makes a lot of sense because I certainly am good at blanking out from my conscious state things I don't want to deal with. Yes, it would be nice to think that they do visit from time to time. I've always tried to bring out the happy times but the sadness must always be there lurking.
DeleteIt is always sad to lose those we love, and, even though we never forget them, life goes on. When I dream about a lost loved one it always feels to me like they have "popped in" for a quick visit. I find it comforting.
ReplyDeleteWhen it comes to those nightmares - try laughing at them. I have the stupidest ones sometimes (some are actually terrifying) and the best way I found to deal with them was just to laugh and dismiss them as ridiculous (with the worst ones, I share them with others and we laugh together). It is too hard to try and figure out the "meaning" in everything our mind throws up :)
Margaret, I'm not too bad after I wake up because, as a rule, I forget the contents fairly quickly and so can't share them. Occasionally I have tried writing them down but all but tiny bits disappear too quickly and I'm left with a 'feeling' rather than a story. It's the fear whilst I am waking up that I find most traumatic.
DeleteThe mind is a strange place, isn't it, Graham? Hello there, stranger. It's been a LONG WHILE since I've knocked at your door. So much of life has swept me away from where I once was....able to sit still, write, paint, etc. etc. But, I long to get back to it all. I think it's such a blessing that you had this dream. It is wistful, as you said. It sweeps us away for a time to feel the warmth of something lost. I didn't realize that Andy and I were so close in age, although I will turn 49 in March. Well, Sir....you still cross my mind when you probably thought I'd lost all touch. I trust that one day, we will meet in the beauty of Heavenly Presence (regardless of what you might think right now). God does believe in YOU. Sending love to you from Vermont. -Heather T.
ReplyDeleteDearest Heather. How good to see you again. I never forget you and I still keep my promise. Perhaps one day I will become more involved in Facebook and keep up with you and the family as they have grown up. After all we went through so much together in the early days. Take care, stay safe and be strong dear friend.
Delete