I woke up this morning. This is something I've been doing for over eight decades
and something I hope that I will be doing for some years to come providing that
my mental faculties remain reasonably able to steer me through the day without
too much trouble.
Someone asked me recently if I had any male friends. I thought
it was a very strange question and said so and asked why such an assumption
should be made. Apparently it was very simple. I have coffee in The Woodlands several times a week at least. All the people with whom I have coffee are friends I have known for many many years (at least two I have known for over half a century). However all my 'coffee mates' are female. Why? Because their husbands are no longer with us. I do have one male friend and former colleague I've known for 51 years with whom I have lunch in The Woodlands every Friday. His wife died a couple of years ago after many years of illness.
On a Saturday morning I used to meet my son, Gaz, for coffee in An Lanntair (the local arts centre) whilst my grandson went to his drama class. About half way through a friend (whom I've met for coffee on a Saturday morning for many years) would come and join us and then Gaz would take Brodie swimming. Some say that routine is boring. I find it quite comforting.
However that routine came to a sudden end a few weeks ago when Gaz very suddenly decided to go back to sea. He received a phone call on a Thursday offering him a Chief Engineer's job on a superyacht. A job he has done for many years before he 'retired' several years ago. So one Saturday we were coffeeing and a few days later he was afloat at the other end of the Mediterranean. Now he is 'languishing' in Monaco. It can be a hard life!
Pleasant routines are good. Friends are friends, whatever their gender.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, Janice. Something that many youngsters perhaps do not always appreciate.
DeleteWell, I am very pleased indeed that you woke up this morning.
ReplyDeleteI am also not surprised that you have many friends, of whatever gender, and that you enjoy such a rewarding social life.
But, poor Gaz... such a hard life!!
Yes, JayCee, such a hard life indeed - although I can't for the life of me see the downsides if you love travel and being paid handsomely into the bargain. And whilst he is away for two months he then gets home for two months.
DeleteFemale friends have always been a comfort to gay men. Older women can be terribly sensible and practical, but also great fun. My blog is full of them, and I love them all.
ReplyDeleteAndrew, despite not being gay, I have always had many female friends where no sexual attraction was necessarily involved.
DeleteGaz may have gone to sea but you still have lots of coffee dates in your future 🙂
ReplyDeleteEnjoy it all, Graham
Thank you, Kylie, I'd be lost without all my friends and meeting for coffee is a very good way of keeping up.
DeleteI'm glad you have a variety of friends to meet up with, Graham. I must admit that all of the friends I meet up with are female. I don't have any male friends that I meet up with, although, I do have several male blog friends that I like to follow!
ReplyDeleteEllen, strangely I've always had both male and female friends (where no sexual attraction was necessarily involved) even when I was married.
DeleteThe best way..any gender, any age....just friends
DeleteAbsolutely GZ.
DeleteFriends of 60 years are still in tough, but I don't see them because of health. But I'm still waking up each morning, which surprises me daily. It gets harder.
ReplyDeleteTasker, reading your blog you still have one big "blessing" because each morning when you wake up you still have your mind. I knew too many people when I was young who woke up each morning and didn't even know they'd woken up and, if they did, didn't know who they were.
DeleteIt is good to read you woke up this morning. The question about male friends is weird.
ReplyDeleteOn the weirder side, many years ago a woman I knew told me that older women turn gay because there’s no men for them. She was serious about it, talking as if it was like getting a skin tag. So I broke the news to her that is not true.
Anonymous, I found that a very interesting take on the 'problem'. I think these days few people worry about such matters. Or perhaps it's just the circles in which I move.
DeleteWell the guy's question was rather dumb. we can coffee with whoever we want.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely, Red. I always admire your 'say it as it is' approach.
DeleteRoutine is the same as discipline. It makes us do things that otherwise we might skip. Back in the UK I live by routine; here in France it gets forgotten.
ReplyDeleteCro, I'd never really thought about the link between routine and discipline.
DeleteYou won't be surprised to read that I love my routines - provided I can "break out" every now and then. They give me stability and security in a world that is anything but, and they help to maintain the wilderness that my mind sometimes becomes.
ReplyDeleteAs for friends, I have been having male and female friends all my life, from when I was a toddler to now that I am in my mid-to-late 50s. All of them matter to me, some a bit more than others, and some of those friendships have shifted in intensity over the years, with some frazzling out completely (by mutual agreement, I suppose). But even though I rarely manage to spend as much time with my friends as I wish to, I like to stay in touch. When, for instance, I meet my friends in England once a year, it is as if we've only met a week or so ago; we can instantly pick up where we left off, with no awkwardness at all.
Poor Gaz!! I guess someone has to do it... :-D
No, Meike, I'm not in the least bit surprised by what you have said. I always think that I'm not a creature of habit and routine but, when I analyse it, nothing could be further from the truth.
DeleteMy friends are pretty much split between men and women and I enjoy them all. And none of them are likely to take off to sea anytime soon! Sadly, (or maybe not) one of them is probably going to embark on the final journey soon.
ReplyDeleteDavid, one of the sad things about being an octogenarian is that one's peers have a habit of ceasing to be one's peers.
DeleteYou will miss Gaz but I'm sure there will be lots more coffee dates when he's home again. One of the best bits about ageing, for me, has been a group of strong women friends. Most of us have outlived the men in our lives but our bonds have strengthened, the support we give each other is beyond measure.
ReplyDeletePauline, I do miss Gaz having had hime home for several years. But one plus is that when he come home he should have more time to say hello. Mind you given all the plans he has I might be deluding myself.
DeleteI find routines extremely comforting in this time of chaos. And while I am still waking up every morning, it generally takes me a cup of coffee before I can claim to be happy about it!
ReplyDeleteDebby "This time of chaos" is, in world terms, probably as bad as it's been in my 8 decades.
DeleteI do not disagree. We've got so much to apologize to the world for.
DeleteHey Graham! Of course you have many friends, male and female. It It is sad to think of the ladies you meet up with that have lost their husbands but men die earlier as a rule, it is a statistic we were reminded of recently meeting with an insurance agent! I never can remember so I just looked it up, Gaz is short for Gary, right? The best of luck to him! And best wishes to you with your fine brain and exquisite manners. I do miss your brother, who was much the same as you. Take care on your lovely island, say hello to at least ONE male friend that I know you have, husband of our special friend, Pat! x
ReplyDeleteKay, Gaz can be short for Gary but in my son's case is short for Gareth (echoing Welsh ancestry on my Father's side of the family).
DeleteMy husband has lunch every Wed at the same coffee shop. There are 10 men in the group, but sometimes someone is overseas or is feeling poorly. They are all either half retired or fully retired, and love sharing the social life they would have once had with work colleagues. It works well.
ReplyDeleteHels
Art and Architecture, mainly
Hello, Hels. Today I was at the Last of the Summer Wine Club lunch which takes place on the first Wednesday of each month. I shall blog about it soon - thanks for the idea.
DeleteYes friends are important during our oler years. I like routine too but I read it is not good for the brain as it doesn't have to work hard during routine activities. Your son cored a good job. Keep on enjoying your coffee dates,
ReplyDeleteDiane, your blog demonstrates that very point so well and the life you have chosen in your senior years is one many would envy and enjoy.
DeleteIf you and I met up (and I'd love to) no coffee for me. It gives me the jitters.
ReplyDeleteU
Ursula if you ever happen to be on Lewis I'd love to meet up. And the chances of you coming this far are???
DeleteNothing wrong with having coffee with friends male or female I meet up with old mates for one now and then though I think my wife would take offense if they were female. I came across your name on Kay G's blog which made me look as I had a friend who lived two doors down from me with the same name, mind you he is 20 odd years younger than you and does not have a white beard or hair. I am envious of where you live as it is cooler there than were I live in Oxfordshire.
ReplyDeleteBilly, it's definitely cooler than Oxfordshire at this time of year. My wife had some very good male friends and that certainly didn't phase me. However in the days when we were married most marriages still had both partners.
DeleteMy social life changed quite drastically after I went into early retirement 20+ years ago, while "everyone else" was still working. Now quite a few old friends are retiring too - but meanwhile, our lives and interests, family situations, habits and "energy levels" have developed very differently. So the people I keep most regularly "updated" with now are actually fellow bloggers spread over the world that I've come to know in between, plus some Swedish friends using Facebook much the same way. I do still think of a much wider circle of both men and women as friends though (and even as close friends), even though I don't actually meet up with them (or run into them) very often now.
ReplyDelete