In a recent post Bob Brague of the blog Rhymes with Plague said:
An example of slower change [in customs] is the way people respond to being told "Thank you." In my age group (the Older Than Dirt crowd), we were taught to say "You're welcome". Around the time my children became adults, people didn't say "You're welcome" any more, and everybody was saying "No problem." Now that even my grandchildren are adults, "No problem" has fallen by the wayside. and Gen Z'ers and millennials say "Of course!"
I commented that I was never taught to respond "You're welcome". In my view when someone says 'Thank you" no response is needed.
Bob's reply was "Not to respond to 'Thank you' strikes me as very odd indeed. It seems to indicate the feeling that the 'thank you' is well-deserved. I could be wrong, of course, but it smacks of a lack of humility. Not you, of course, but others. Other responses I used to hear often (but don't any more) include "Don't mention it" and "Not at all" and "It was nothing". The Spanish say "por nada" and the French say "Il n'y a pas de quoi"."
This is something that genuinely puzzles me. I am roughly of an age with Bob. I was brought up in a family and at schools where good manners were important and were insisted upon. However I can never recall at any stage in my life being told that a response was needed to a "Thank you." Over the last few decades I've been well aware of the response "You're welcome" being used and, of course, when in Italy I would never dream of not responding "prego" to"grazie".
So I am genuinely very puzzled indeed. My readers come from many generations and many countries. So I would ask you all whether I am living in a bubble of ignorance and whether, particularly where the UK is concerned, my lack of a response is out of order.
I usually say, "You're welcome," or "My pleasure." One often hears today, "No worries." I always respond to "Thank you."
ReplyDeleteDavid although I don't remember how I responded when I was in the US and Canada I would have followed the lead of my hosts but when, for example, I was handed my passport and thanked the person who gave it to me or the person at checkout giving me my bill I don't ever recall being told that I was welcome.
DeleteI have always taught to say you are welcome. When someone affirms your action, it seems a kindness to recognize that with courtesy.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Debby. I've realised that it is definitely part of the culture in the US (although the actual response can vary).
Delete‘You’re welcome’ has an American ring to it. I’ll often say ‘that’s ok’ or ‘that’s fine’, and depending on circumstances ‘happy to help’ but more often than not just give a smile or nod my head in acknowledgment.
ReplyDeleteI'm with Cathy here.
DeleteThank you Cathy and JayCee. I've come to accept that that's probably how I react. For example when the ticket clerk gives me my ticket I thank the person but I don't expect a response.
DeleteBrought up to say you're welcome. However, I don't like to use the term anymore, tell anyone they are welcome lest they take it the wrong way.
ReplyDeleteI rather just say have a good day and nod.
Strange as well, I automatically say, "Excuse me " when I pass in front of someone. The older the person is, the more positive reaction, if any.
Maywyn, "Excuse me" is a whole new ballgame.
DeleteBeing born and reared in the deep south of the US, I was taught always to be gracious and "you are welcome" was the proper response to a "thank you," no question about it. I cannot imagine responding in any other way. I often hear the "no problem" and since I now live in the southwest, I often hear de nada, but I would never say this.
ReplyDeleteJill, I cannot imagine that your manners are anything other than absolutely impeccable so, in the US I would follow your lead.
DeleteI was never raised to respond to a thank you and I don't expect a response to mine.
ReplyDeleteHaving said that, I've picked up the habit of answering in most occasions
Yes, Kylie, I can't say that I never respond when circumstances demand it but I don't do it as a general rule.
DeleteGenerally in France the response is 'de rien'; which down my way is pronounced 'de rieng'. What I'm not too keen on these days is when I say goodbye to people they all seem to reply 'stay safe'.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Cro, for reminding me. I do say that when in France and I respond with 'bitte' when in Germany.
DeleteYou're welcome is American, not British. I say nothing.
ReplyDeleteWell, Rachel, I am heartened by that.
DeleteJust smile
ReplyDeleteI always smile, anyway. It's just in my nature.
DeleteI associate "you're welcome" more with American English as well. (Have noticed frequent standard use of it in some American TV series. Can't recall the same from British series, but also could not say what might be the common response there instead.) In Swedish, I think it varies what expression we use, but I think it's rather common to sort of wave the "thank you" for a favour of some kind aside, saying something like (equivalents of) "no need to thank me", "oh, it was no trouble", "happy to be able to help" or "my pleasure". We do also have a special phrase "varsågod" (hard to translate) but I think that's mostly used in connection with giving gifts rather than services. On the other hand, often I think it's also acceptable to just accept the thank you silently (perhaps with a nod, a smile, or some other gesture). I'd say it depends both on the situation, and the relationship.
ReplyDeletePS The literal meaning of "varsågod" = "be so good" and I suppose it's an abbreviation of a longer phrase like "be so good as to accept this gift" (the full phrase never used in my lifetime...)
DeleteThank you, Monica, the situation and the relationship probably covers it pretty well.
DeleteIn German, the proper reaction to Danke is Bitte, like the Italian prego is the response to grazie. It would be considered impolite not to say Bitte.
ReplyDeleteIn England, I mostly hear no problem or pleasure (or my pleasure), and if someone thanks me, I don’t think I really have a standard reaction; I guess it is mostly pleaure or just a nod and smile.
Thank you, Meike. In Germany I would always respond with "Bitte" because I was taught that just as I would say "de rien" or "prego" in the appropriate country. Oddly I cannot recall what I might have said in Spain but I didn't learn Spanish and have only been there three times.
DeleteWe learned to respond "you're welcome" when someone said "thank you". Now, my response sort of depends on the situation.
ReplyDeleteI do work at getting my grandchildren to say "Please" when they ask for something and "Thank you" when they get it. I have noticed that some people just make demands instead of polite requests...
Ellen, I've noticed that 'Please' and 'Thank you' are not always used and I have no compunction whatsoever in displaying my view.
DeleteWhen I visited the USA, 'You're welcome' was used a lot, and I use it too. Not sure if I was taught it or not, it is just something I say. I was certainly taught to say Thank you, and please...and I taught my children to say the same, especially when the visited someone's house, they would say 'thank you for having me'
ReplyDeleteThank you, Serenata. Like you, I used it in the USA, but I've not got into the habit in the UK. I will be far more aware from now on.
DeleteI would rather hear no response to a "thank you," than to hear "no problem." I hate, hate that response. And it is usually said without the person saying it bothering to look at you in the face! Awful! But, in this day and age, where wars are common and innocent people die by gunshot each day and education systems are shoddy at best in some countries, I guess this is something that I should not concern my brain cells with.
ReplyDeleteI don't have as many as I used to, you know.
Lesley, in the greater scheme of things the point that I have raised are pretty unimportant but they are part of our lives and are therefore important to us.
DeleteI am with you. I get so tired of the "no problem" waiters give. It seems to be males who say that. Women seems much more polite.
ReplyDeleteDamn it. I am not anonymous! Susan Kane thecontemplativecat@blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteThank you, Susan.
DeleteDuring the 'keep away from other people rules' when out with The Dog a 'Thank you' for one party to move over into the road was always followed by 'Pleasure!' as it had to be got in quickly. As so many people have earthings in it can just be a nod. Now I think I just repeat a 'Thank you' back. Lesley
ReplyDeleteLeslay, you still live in a land of responses though.
DeleteI have been known to say 'Thank you' to the Cash dispenser. Lesley
DeleteA Last Thought: Today I was mixing with people a great deal from being out first thing at the barber (hairdresser) to playing in a bowls competition at the local Sports Centre this evening. A friend also popped in in the afternoon and I chatted to a number of my neighbours and the refuse collectors. I don't know how many times I thanked people for everything from my haircut, in shops, in the café and during the evening but it was a large number. I paid special attention to whether anyone responded. On the way into the Sports Centre there are automatic doors. As I was walking in a teenager was walking out and stopped and gave way to me. I smiled and thanked him. He responded but unfortunately I couldn't work out what word he used but he smiled so I'm assuming it was polite. He was the only person in a whole day of 'Thank yous" who responded. Perhaps it's a Scottish thing.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first time I have heard that we might be expected to respond to a Thankyou. It's certainly not something we were taught about. I usually smile as a response and I guess sometimes I say things, but only if it is appropriate. Reading your last comment, perhaps it is my Scottish blood!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Margaret. You help me feeli less alone!
DeletePS I notice that no one has responded "You're welcome" to any of my 'Thank yous." 😂
ReplyDeleteTouche!
DeleteI say "thanks" or "that's fine"..
ReplyDeleteI can't recall if I was taught to say it but I don't think so.
Sounds good to me, Jenny.
DeleteI had occasion to eat lunch at the local senior center yesterday and I said, "thank you" twice, once to the cook and once to the attending staff member, neither responded with a "you're welcome!" I guess good manners have just gone out the window!
ReplyDeleteThings are obviously not what they used to be in the US, Jill. It looks like we in the UK erred long long ago.
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