1 EAGLETON NOTES: Humour

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Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humour. Show all posts

Wednesday, 15 June 2022

Scruples and Empire

Great Britain (the title of England, Wales and Scotland in use since 1474) is getting to the end of its credible life. It is, indeed, true that in world terms Britain was great and had the largest empire ever (in terms of land area). Once upon a time it was true that “The sun never sets on the British Empire,” because the empire consisted of colonies all over the world. After World War II, British imperialism began to wane as the United Kingdom granted independence to most of its colonial possessions. 

Britain's wealth and place in the world came as a result of its power and the fact that it subjugated or conquered so much of the world. Britain was great and few could deny that. During the last 70 years we have still been amongst the countries in the world with a major say in, and influence on, world affairs.

However reality has now to be faced and whilst Britain leads the world in many areas it is no longer an imperial player and it has to accept that size matters. The USA and Chinese blocs may fight it out and the economic might of the European Economic Community will be a massive player but Britain, despite its residual economic power and its armed forces and, of course, being a nuclear power, is no longer the great power that it once was.  At present we are in danger of becoming irrelevant and, worse still a laughing stock.

Why? Well, amongst many other reasons, we withdrew from the EC. So we think we can do as we please but have no clout against a bloc of such powerful nations. We are no longer of any use to the US as an insider in Europe. I should not be surprised if The Commonwealth slowly (possibly speedily) ceases to exist as we become less and less relevant to the individual countries involved. Indeed when Queen Elizabeth ceases to be monarch a huge emotional Commonwealth loyalty will disappear. 

However, whilst all these mighty issues march on, Great Britain is free to reconsider its use of the Metric System and revert to the post 1826 Imperial weights and measures (previously or otherwise known as the English System). 

It is this latter possible debate that brings me to consider whether there is any chance that there might be any situation where our Government and Downing Street in particular considers the return of the scruple.

NOTE. For those unaware of Britain's former weights and measures a 'scruple' was a small amount of something equivalent to 20 grains used in the system of apothecaries' weight used by pharmacists. In plain English a 'scruple' is a sense of right and wrong that keeps a person from doing something bad or a feeling of guilt from doing something bad.

Friday, 18 June 2021

Discretion v Bravery

In New Zealand 

W (female)  "You are not coming out for coffee with me in pink shorts. You are a man."

Me "They are burgundy, not pink."

W "You can call pink any colour you want but you're not coming out with me in pink shorts."

I go and change into blue shorts. We go into town for coffee.

Walking down the main street we meet a 2m tall Maori built like a tank. He is wearing pink/burgundy shorts identical  to mine.

I turn to W (who has obviously not missed the Maori) and open my mouth. 

I realise that anything that came out of my mouth might well be the last thing that did.

I pretend that I've never seen the Maori.

Saturday, 8 October 2011

A Happy Shed

Don't you just love people with this sort of happy sense of humour?


Thursday, 19 August 2010

Why Am I Telling You This?

imageActually I know the answer.  The subject of Eccles cakes came up when Dave and I were having coffee in the Woodlands the other day.  Despite not being a great fan of raisins, and Eccles cakes are full of raisins, I love Eccles cakes. (I’ll actually eat almost anything except tripe even if it’s not something I’d actually choose to eat).  The family loved them too.  When I was a small child there was near us at The Rocket (about which Scriptor has blogged if I can find it)  a bakery called, locally even if it wasn’t its proper name, Up The Steps.  I went in there one day to get some things for Mum and asked, not for Eccles cakes as they were properly called but for fly cemeteries which was what they were called by the family.  I was promptly asked to leave.  I presume I was allowed back at a later date.  I don’t really remember.

The only other time that I can ever recall being thrown out of anywhere was being thrown out of Snows, a quite smart down the steps bar in London’s Piccadilly.  That was in the sixties and I was just in my 20s.  Given that I was much older then than I am now (mentally anyway) I was mortified.  I was, I hasten to add, stone cold sober at the time of this incident.  I was in London on a training course for something or other and we had finished for the day and gone to Snows.  Someone learned that I could Cossack dance and probably dared me to do one on a table - I was quite adept at winning bets that I wouldn’t do something.  So I took my shoes off and did a Cossack dance on a table – a very substantial table I should add.  I was asked to leave.   I was mortified.  I can’t understand why but everyone else thought it was very funny!

Tuesday, 17 August 2010

Rain, Rain Go Away

Boy did it rain last night.  So this morning I incanted the old nursery rhyme:

Rain rain go away,
Come again another day.
Rain rain go to Baden
Little GB wants to garden.
Rain, rain, go to Spain,
Never show your face again!

 Sun_and_yellow_2

And the sun came out!

And I gardened (and washed the car).

And started three sentences with a conjunction.  Sorry Adrian.  Feeling guilty is just not enough of a deterrent!

 

Friday, 23 July 2010

I’ll Have That Please

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Wednesday, 30 June 2010

A Face?

When we were visiting the Callanish Standing Stones one of the stones struck me as having a ‘face’.  Can you?

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Monday, 2 February 2009

A Greeting Card

I don't suppose that I should be doing this but wotthehellarchiewotthehell I thought they were brilliant.  Unfortunately despite there being a URL (www.curlygirldesign.com) on the card trying to find the details was impossible.  So I've reproduced it anyway.  There are lots more but, as I know people who will be getting them for their birthdays or just because I happen to feel like sending one, I won't reproduce any more.